Bitch, puh-lease… How hard is it?

I find it somewhat intriguing as to how some females leave their house and embark on their day looking disheveled and filthy. I am unsure as to whether this may be their objective or not, but really, it’s unappealing and hardly attractive. Crimes against looking half-decent include the following:

• CHAPPED & FLAKY LIPS

Unless you are stuck in the middle of Antarctica without so much of a chance of making it back to civilization, there really is no excuse for chapped, flaky lips. With the amount of lip balms out there screaming ‘TRY ME! BUY ME!’ chapped lips are a definite no-no. Furthermore, applying lip gloss or lipstick to dry lips is a lost cause and a waste of product. The solution for this is simple. Go and buy a pot of Carmex.

Neither Blistex nor Chapstick are as effective as Carmex, and certainly not LUCAS PAW PAW either, which merely glosses your lips like Vaseline. Carmex on the other hand, hydrates seriously dry and chapped lips with its active ingredients of camphor, menthol and phenol. Put some balm on before you sleep at night, and in the morning you’ll awake to super soft and luscious lips. So simple, you wonder why women seem to get it so wrong.

• LONG TOENAILS
  

Talons on your feet? Trying to resemble a vulture? Vultures are ugly creatures (see below), as are ostriches and emus: other creatures with talons.

Also disgusting really, when you consider the dirt and bacteria that accumulate underneath the toenail itself when you’re wearing open-toed shoes or thongs.

• CHIPPED NAIL POLISH

Whether this be on your toes or fingers, chipped nail polish, and with black varnish at that- is something to be left for the likes of Marilyn Manson, Courtney Love (another lost cause) and Britney Spears on a bad day. Inappropriate and cheap-looking, it takes two minutes tops, to get some nail polish remover and bring your nails back to their natural state. So simple really, unless you’re aiming for that trashy look. Sorry to say but I don’t think looking trashy has ever been cast as a fashion trend.

• SCALY SKIN

Unattractive. In one word, that sums up what scaly skin on a female body looks like. Unless you’re addicted to ice or are simply scratching your skin to the bone to pass time, there is no excuse for this. A great selection of loofahs and exfoliating mitts are available from The Body Shop, and there is a whole word of body moisturisers out there waiting to be discovered. Not all of us can afford La Mer so our friends at Nivea should do in the meantime. Moisturising your skin prior to leaving the bathroom after your morning shower should be second nature! C’mon! It shouldn’t be such a mission to look after your body… who knows, you might need to earn money from it one day.

• EYELINER THAT COVERS YOUR ENTIRE EYELID

In case you haven’t been reading the latest trashy celebrity magazines every week, Amy Winehouse is a lost cause. Shame really considering she has such a great voice. Her beauty routine though, is also a lost cause:

I don’t care what anyone says (seeing as though this is my blog), but her eyeliner application is effing appalling… horrific to say the least! Therefore attempts to look like Miss Winehouse should be left for a costume party, if that. It looks:

a.) trashy

b.) like you have NO idea how to put on basic make up

c.) trashy

d.) plain silly

e.) trashy

Either learn how to apply liquid eyeliner properly or spare yourself from looking like the above and don’t bother at all! If you do bother however, you might want to wait for your eyeliner to dry for a minute or so. I’ve seen way too many cases of liquid eyeliner that’s dried itself near one’s eyebrow. Not attractive much.

• BODY ODOR

Pure filth. Refer to my post regarding this issue right here.

In the words of Coco Chanel, “A girl must be two things: classy and fabulous”. Commit any of the above sins and feel free to fall seriously short of being either of these things, let alone half decent. Mademoiselle Chanel would have a fit if she knew the state of personal grooming these days.